the weekend has finally arrived after e long wait.. its finalli some time for me to rest my brain n stay relaxed.. i deserve a break after such hard works rite? hee.. currently just sitting here, slacking.. trying to haf a peaceful mind.. wanna to free myself frm all e sickening probs n tanglements of life..

ytd nite went out wif hua, shun, ting, leehui, ning n rain to pasir ris park.. was drinking at fisherman's village.. woo tts life yea? e scenery, e sea breeze, e music, e atmosphere.. awwwww.. so relaxing.. everything is worth it for tt very moment.. nv felt so at ease for so long.. n shun cracked us up wif e typical jokes of him.. after tt.. ning n rain went hme.. while e rest of us slacked ard thr to chit chat.. went hme at 6am.. awwww.. just enjoyed their companion so much.. hehes..

after so many bloody probs had happened.. i learnt to b wise.. came to e truth tt not every1 can b trusted.. mayb im naive in e past.. but yes, tts in e past.. is time for me to grow smart... no point crying over spilled milk.. wats done cant b undone.. yea, things always dun turn out e way we wanted.. but tts life; typical life. moving on is the best solution nw.. it can do all parties good.. as im saying im a very simple gal.. u treat me wif sincerity.. i will treat u gd wif all i haf.. but if u r just deceiving me n etc.. n yes, tts it.. =) for once, im sure wat i realli wanted.. n tts to b happy.. n nt to b so dumb anymore..

[happiness is in our own hands; we must try our very best to achieve it.]

-tornapart; breakingfree-

emptiness filled my whole heart; lonliness kicked in once again.. i tot, by keeping myself occupied wif work i will b numb to everything.. but im wrong; terribly wrong.. i still feel empty, deep down in my heart.. i will still feel upset n moody.. i haf tried all e ways n means to make myself happy.. trying very hard to b oblivious to my surroundings, yet its still all in vain..

buried myself in my pile of work.. trying my very best nt to think so much.. but still.. i will still miss u.. work's been a prob too.. very stressful.. n so many things to learn n memories.. esp. e laws of income tax is realli killing me slowly.. plenty of quizes n tests.. ahhhh.. im just so fed up wif myself as i cant seem to get e facts rite.. just hope i will catch e hold of tis job asap..

as for my love life.. wat can i sae? still as empty as ever? or its all juz 1 sided love of mine? im clueless.. im hanging here midway, dunno which way to proceed... im a very simple gal.. all i want is to b wif e 1 i love, is it realli tt hard? i guess so.. if nt i wun b so miserable at tis period of time..

just hope i can brk free frm all these misery eventually.. cos im losing myself.. i realli dunno, seriously dunno hw long i can hold onto it.. i only noe i will grow insane if tis continues.. oh GOD, pls elighten me.. im realli at my dead wits..

[promise me that u will love me; truly]

-fragile-hearted; handle me wif care-

darkness has befall once again.. im skimming thru e darkness like a blind mouse, nt knowing whr im heading.. im travelling in an endless tunnel, elated when i saw a source of light.. but whenever i reached e "light", it will juz disappeared into e thin air.. illusion, its all my illusion!!! whenever im feeling confused, i always thought tt sum1 will b thr to guide me.. to lead me to e rite path.. but yes, is all wishful thinking of mine.. whenever i fell into a dark pit, i thought sum1 will pull me out.. but things always dun turn out e way i wanted.. as for my current situation, i tot.. i assume.. i found love; true love.. i tot.. e other party loves me too, truly.. but yes, its nuthing but an illusion..

im always baffled by e things around me.. oh, hw i wish.. i will b oblivious to everything.. so that i wun feel e pain, so deeply.. im always trying to b happy.. to stay cheerful despite all e things tt r happening to me.. but when nite falls, i just cant wear e mask anymore.. tears juz fall every nite.. im realli tired of disguising my inner feelings.. i just wanna brk free.. mayb my instinct is accurate once again.. mayb all e bad thoughts of me will come true eventually.. hw i can prevent this? i seriously haf no idea.. im solemnly upset..

1st day of work at iras.. wat shld i sae? very stressed.. i guess every1 who's working thr will haf e same thinking as me.. thr r so many things to memorise.. n yes, we will b having a test tml.. an open book test.. but open book is useless too.. is way too complicated.. and e passing mark is 60! ahhhh.. juz hope all of us will pass ba.. den thrs ton to learn.. whole day sit thr listen to lecture.. realli can fall aslp....

am currently feeling very unstable.. having an emotion turmoil.. i dunno hw long i can hang on.. im just so tired.. so very tired.. i nid a rest; utterly..

[let bygones be bygones..]

-plsdonotbetraymytrust-

never noe a heart can b so down, so torn.. never feel so heartbroken in my whole life.. im sitting here, alone in my room, in total darkness, posting tis pathetic entry.. facing e lifeless room, tears juz rolled down without ctrl.. im realli clueless wats happening to me.. just feel so crestfallen n forlorn for e past few days.. is tis e omen? is my depression coming back to haunt me once again? i hate tis feeling, totally.. cos i haf e tendency to hurt myself whenever i feel depressed.. so i dunwan tt to happen once again.. i wanna b happy, to b freed frm all e problems.. but i noe is so god damn hard..

tml will b starting work at IRAS already.. juz hope everything will b going smoothly for me n ah huay.. a bad thought has being lingering in my mind for e past few days.. i just hope its just me thinking too much.. just hope it wun come true ba.. loven called me ytd.. asked me for a mit up tis coming wed.. haber cfm anything wif him, nt sure whether wans to mit him anot.. he claims tt he misses me, lots.. but i doubt tts e truth.. but nah, im nt goin to think bout it anymore.. i wanna b stress-free.. even its juz for a very short moment.. last nite was a terrible night for me, just feeling so down n crappy.. but thanx to gary, she cheered me up wif her fone call.. realli thanx a zillion, truly appreciate it.. =)

anyway, nw i just wanna to earn tons of money, n go overseas for a holiday.. just wanna relax myself out.. so just hope i can achieve tt aim yea? well, will b back for more updates when i feel like doing so..

[u meant everything to me; tts for certain.]

-brokenpiecesofme-

still haber recover frm my illness.. yes, e fever has subsided. but e cough is still thr, haunting me.. torturing me day n nite.. truly hope i will recover by tues ba..

am feeling very moody at e moment.. i dunno y.. just feel like crying again.. but no.. i dunwan to cry anymore.. cos i realli haf ran out of tears.. crying cant help anything too.. i dunno wat am i vexing bout.. just feel lyk shouting my lungs out.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh..

ytd went out wif ning, shun, hua, aaron n heng.. very fun.. cos is like so many days nv go out le.. realli enjoyed myself to e bits.. we slacked ard central shopping centre.. window shopping.. den after tt went back tpy.. yup.. ltr at nite mit up wif gary.. den juz slacked ard coffee shop till 1am plus... ahhh.. realli dunno wat else to blog.. cos mind's in a whirl.. will go craziee any moment.. my heart is like being clotted up.. jus feel so uneasy n unhappy.. hais..

[life is a 1 way course, no matter hw many detours u take, none of them leads back. so cherish life's every moments as none of them will b e same again.]

-myhearthasshatteredintomillionpieces-

*counting* hw many days haf i been staying at home? ans : 3 days.. i will seriously go crazy at tis rate.. im realli surprised tt i can survive from my mum's endless nagging for e past few days.. her naggings nv once stopped, it juz go on n on.. i dunno why, why is she trying to ctrl me when im already 22. she dun realli care for me when im still a lil girl, does she? so wats e point for showering me wif her care n concern when im already tt old...

sitting here, crestfallen, feeling real sick n crappy.. i just wanna vent all my unhappiness n frustrations out.. my headache is killing me.. n e freaking fever dunwan to subside. are realli on e verge of breaking down.. i nid my ciggs, badly.. i noe i did sae tt i wanna quit smoking, but seriously, smoking can realli make me forget my stress for a short moment.. i realli nid a holiday, utterly.. i just wanna b free frm all these sickening probs for juz a little while, is it realli tt hard?

glancing thru my past sms.. memories filled my whole mind.. i tot i can b very suave.. juz leave without a trace.. but yes, nw i noe, i simply cant achieve tt.. i realli wanna b strong.. but under all these circumstances, i can only b weaker n weaker.. vin smsed me last nite.. called me BABY n etc.. i realli haf no idea wat he wans frm me.. we r over, dun we? so why is he keep showering his affections on me nw? he din cherish me in e 1st place.. so why is he coming back to me once again? is too late for regrets... my heart for him has been dead decades ago..

oh man, cant realli blog at e moment.. am realli dying frm my illness.. realli cant stop sneezing at e very moment.. arghs!! just hope i will recover in no time..

[learning frm mistakes helps prevent the repetition of negative patterns.]

-imissyou; utterly-

im back for my usual rantings once again.. i promised tt i will b back for more updates, so lets not keep u all in suspense further more..

ytd went to catch e movie "the messengers" wif shun, ting n marc (glitch).. hmm nt a bad movie i can sae, but its ploy is quite similar to another horror movie i haf watched. well, e cinema threatre is "packed".. only 7 ppl were inside in threatre. e movie can scared u rite frm e very beginning.. so as usual.. ting was tugging herself close to shun.. while me n marc were sitting close beside each other.. at 1st marc din wanna watch horror movie, but due to ting's constant persuasion, he gave in.. we tot hes scare of horror movie, but of cos in e end, we were all wrong.. hes e least frightened 1 among e 4 of us.. he still keep minimicked e voices of e little boy in "ju-on".. n he scared e wits out of me.. ahuh.. no-no.. hes such a notti boy yea?

anyway, after e movie, we slacked ard balestier for awhile den we went back to tpy to mit ah huay.. den shun went up to huay's hse to pass her back e comics.. while me, ting n marc slacked ard at e void deck.. n yes, shun they all came down ard 1 hr ltr.. hua n estee oso reached le.. den off we went for dinner.. n back to slack again.. gary reached shortly after that.. so we just sat ard thr n chit chat.. hurhur.. wat a life rite...

at 11plus, me, hua n gary went to lor 5 to accompany gary for her late dinner... after tt, as usual, we went to sit ard at e void deck again.. but just for a little while only.. as marc came shortly after tt to drive me hme.. reached hme, found alot of ppl msged me on msn.. like vin, loven, lawrence.. is like all e ppl suddenli popped out in my life once again.. why muz they come n leave at 1 go? hurhur.. i haf no idea.. dunwan to noe oso.. just sick of everything.. every1 claims tt im very quiet ytd.. i dunno why.. i can sense e change too... but i realli dunno wats causing e turmoil in my brain.. i just feel so restless.. realli dunno wat im realli thinking.. i just noe i nid a brk, to brk away frm all these misery, utterly..

[by weathering the storms n droughts of love tt inevitably arise frm time to time, by repeatedly overcoming the challenge of harmonizing differences, and by coming back to ur commitment to having a quality r/s, u will find ur soul mate n live happily ever after.]

-men r frm mars while women r frm venus-

[many of the personalities tt makes e most powerful n transforming impression on us in e world's literature r e only ones we see only or mostly at second hand, nt in their own undoctored words. if u want to see why a personality makes a difference to his or her contemporaries, u nid first to understand tt difference itself; n tis can only b done by means of testimony.. seeing someone thru another person's eyes, a person close to them, whose life is realli shaped by them, will tell u more den e most accurate 3rd person chronicle.]

glancing thru jinshun's blog, im overwhelmed wif feelings of my own.. seeing tt particular msg frm huat to shun, i can only sae, im in their clinque.. yes, we belonged to e same group, the "jokers" gang.. frens often see us e clowns of e group.. our mission n job are to make ppl happy n entertain them wif our jokes. but we r human beings too.. we gt our own emotions.. we will feel sad n hurt at times too.. but why, when we were down n upset, no one is thr for us? is like we r always thr for our frens when they nid us, whereas for us, when we haf already break down, surprisingly, no 1 will b thr.. most of them thinks tt our wounds will heal by themselves.. we will b okie in no time.. thus they neednt bother bout e so called problems of ours.. but dun they noe tt problems will accumalate if we din pluck out frm e roots? e old problems will always b thr, n yes, new problems will add on.. n all mounted on our pathetic backs.. till e day we cant take it anymore n grow insane. every1 wanna be happy, including us of cos.. but sadly to sae, when we realli wanna vent out our frustrations, ppl tend to see us as e attention seekers, n damper their moods juz cos we r down.. but tts nt we wan rite? we juz nid ppl to b thr for us.. to care n concern for us.. is it realli tt hard?

cant realli slp lately.. n surprisingly, im nt tired too.. tend to wake up very early, thinking of wat im nt sure.. juz feel so uneasy n uncomfortable.. as if im goin to explode any moment frm nw.. vin msged me last nite, but cos im afk, so din see it. by e time i replied him, he has already off9 le.. haha.. wat shld i sae bout these? no fate ba.. currently applying a job at IRAS.. juz hope i will get e job ba.. quite a gd offer, since its a govt job.. well.. guess tts all.. gonna go prep le.. goin to catch a movie wif ting, shun n marc.. be back later tonite wif more updates..

-how i wish i can fly, to fly away frm all these misery-

after dunno hw many zillion years im finalli back.. my com. has been giving me tons of probs lately, am juz very pissed off. nw is like i cant even use my IE to blog, can only use firefox. dunno wat e hell is happening.. other den tis, im feeling real crappy n frustrated lately.. frankly speaking, i realli dunno wats causing e whirl in my mind. n e heartache is realli killing me; slowly. im realli nt sure hw long i can take it.. i can go crazy, any moment frm now..

last wk, on e 13th, we went to bbq at pasir ris park. tis bbq used to mean alot to me.. cos 14th is gary n my 1st mth anniversary.. but of cos, we haf broken up.. thus tis bbq became some sort a farewell party for her bro. well, quite alot of ppl were present. but i din realli enjoy myself, is like i just wanna isolate myself frm e outside world...

went to catch e movie "300" 2 days ago. nt a bad movie.. im willing to gif 3 out of 5 stars.. anyway, i caught e movie wif hua, shun n ah huay.. n juz imagine it, we sat on e 2nd rounds, we were like kip fidgeting thru out e whole movie as our necks were aching.. after tt, went dwnstairs to find ning n rain.. chatted a lil while, den off we went..

oh ya, met up wif lawrence few days ago.. wat can i sae bout him? hes realli good looking, n hmm charming ba.. tts all i guess. cos i still dunno him well.. so i can only comment bout these few things.. n hmm.. vin asked me for a meet up.. 2 days ago, he called n said tt his thumbdrive is giving him tons of probs.. n he cant even retrieve his data.. n he sounds real frustrated.. well.. juz hope thrs a way for him to retrieve his data ba.. n oh ya SHUN, vin asked me to sae thx to u.. cos u did help him quite alot...

as for my love life.. im like hanging on a thread. is like im going to fall dwn any moment.. im realli in dilemma, shld i move on, or juz stay put? pondering over e same qn for e past few days, but i still cant find any ans for my qn.. it seems tt i realli like her alot.. i just cant stop thinking of her, is so so hard to erase her image out frm my mind. but we r juz nt meant to be, is it realli e case? anyway, is like, jp n vin suddenli came back into my life.. i realli dunno wat to do next.. n lawrence kept asked me dun go back to my exs. cos he said e same problems will still pop out.. i realli dunno.. n mum has been giving me lots of probs too.. i realli dunno wat she wans frm me.. im realli going crazy.. peeps.. pls.. help.. me!!!

*do not cry, for every tear tt falls frm ur eyes, two will flow frm mine. for every ounce of pain tt ur heart goes thru, mine goes twice e torture. ur unspoken love is as strong as my resolve to shoulder on.. ur love for me may nv been spoken, but i can feel it even wif my eyes closed. words tt come frm ur heart can only b listened wif mine. our language of love is as silent as e winter's rose, but all e more beautiful n precious..*

-idoloveyou; truly-

e heartbreaking n soul wrecking feeling is back once again.. simply cant stop my tears frm rolling down.. im juz so miserable.. pathetic ly is back to haunt me.. yes, u haf chosen to give up once again.. i nv once say i wanna give up.. why? why r u still treating me tis way? u sae u haf to give up cos u dunwan to see me so miserable, but dun u noe, by choosing to give up, u r making me much more miserable? even thou i noe tis day will come, cos i noe she matters much more den me in ur life.. but i nv expect, e day will come so soon.. all i can do now is juz cry cry cry.. but thrs no way i can erase ur image out frm my mind.. i just simply hate myself.. i hate e crybaby me.. i hate my non-stop tears.. i hate e sulky expression on my face.. i hate my blood shot eyes.. i juz hate me being so fragile once again.. I JUZ HATE IT !!! no words can describe how i feel now.. i just wanna die.. my heart is broken into million pieces.. its realli very painful.. even broke up wif vincent i oso nv cry till like tis.. wat tis mean? u realli meant alot to me.. but i dun mean anything to u isnt tt e case?

suddenli miss e sight of blood very much.. i realli cant think properly at e moment.. looked into e mirror, totalli hate e sight of my reflection.. puffy eyes, e sight of dry tears staining on my cheeks.. i realli hate myself.. i just hate myself, hate myself n yes hate myself.. when shun told me, lc will b thr too.. i breakdwn totalli.. cried e whole nite, but wat did i achieve? just swollen eyes.. e pain is still thr, nuthing can mend my broken heart.. tts for certain.. im juz a worthless piece of shit.. im juz a fuckin bit*h.. tts for sure. =)

ITS ALL OVER!!! ITS ALL OVER!!! ITS ALL OVER!!! ITS ALL OVER!!!

staring thru e windows, watching e spattering of raindrops on e floor, listening to e rythm of e drizzling rain, vivid images of u filled my whole mind.. endless thoughts of u came rushing back to my mind like a player being pressed rewind.. all e moments wif u all flashed back in a sudden..

i wasnt me lately. i cant realli put down in words why i feel that way, but im nt me; certainly. days without u by my side is realli torturing me.. is as if a bird without its wings.. i haf fallen way too deep in love wif u, tt i seriously cant ctrl myself. under all these circumstances, i haf become e "vinegar jar" once again.. i really will get jealous over almost everything.. i dun like being tis way, but i realli realli cant ctrl.. i juz hate e sight of gals staying close next to u.. i even hate it when u were teasing other gals but not me.. i wan ur attention all on me, i wan u all by myself. i noe im selfish, but tts me.. i cant share u wif other ppl, i seriously cant take it..

e sight of u and her sitting close beside each other realli pissed me off.. is like using a knife slowly stabbing my heart out.. i noe tis isnt wat u can ctrl.. but i realli feel uncomfortable seeing e sight.. so if i did show any unhappiness on my face, im sorry. im realli trying my best to conceal le.. when u finalli broke e news to me, im simply shocked n worried. as wat hua is saying, we cant lose u.. u noe u r very impt to us.. so pls pls pls do tc of urself kaes.. i still wanna b ur mrs woon de.. so pls stay healthy for e day to come..

ter's current gf called me ytd to ask me out. is like wth.. i dunno her, wats e pt of asking me out? is like i haf stop contacting ter once n for all, so wat she wans? i haf enuff probs to settle wif, so why is she popping out of nowhere n pissing me off?

to GARY laogong; hees.. thanx for tagging on my board. tts realli sweet of u.. am real happy tt i will get to see u tml.. n winks winks. hurhur.. just wanna let u noe tt u r always on my mind.. n pls do tc of urself yea? iloveyou, tons. muackies!!!

-you; gave me e affection that i ever wanted-

i was off again, winging thru darkness, skimming my way thru shadowed canyons, until; until... until i found myself inside a dingy, dank room, its only light source an angle-poise lamp on e dusty table.. e walls began to fall close up to me.. getting crammier n crammier as im getting breathless.. i was suddenly very afraid.. why i had been drawn to this place i couldnt tell, yet somehow i knew there had to b a reason. i din want to be here in tis sombre room, tts for certain..

is tis e omen? tt my depression is kicking in once again? the anti-social; grumpy lanying is coming back again? i dunno, haf no idea; totalli.. mayb im juz thinking too much, mayb my "gd old fren" is missing me tons so its coming back to visit me.. mayb n mayb, all e assumptions.. no 1 will noe wats e definite ans, nt even me of cos..

every wound i go thru, i will build e four walls beside me, n hide thr for quite some time. juz wanna isolate myself from e outside world n even my family.. i noe, tts realli stupid of me.. but tts me, isnt it? everyone has their own different ways to mend their pathetic broken heart n soul.. i realli dunno why am i blogging all these at e very moment.. im very much in love nw, isnt tt e case? so why is my entry so depressing? hurhur.. i realli haf no idea...

ytd went out wif dear n js gang again.. ning n rain came along too... well.. as usual.. ning n i dun haf any interaction at all.. realli dunno hw to tok to her.. im sure she feels e same way too.. well.. everything was going smoothly at e beginning.. but dear n i had a little arguement after tt.. i dunno hw im feeling at e moment.. i can only sae im realli pissed.. n hurted.. i juz hate it when ppl badmouth me.. tts totalli sucky.. but nvm.. im alrite nw i guess.. no point brooding over it rite? juz hope me n dear will hold onto tis r/s ba.. realli hope we can overcome all e obstacles.. im holding onto it tightly, i hope u r doing e same too..

to GARY laogong, knowing u is e happiest thing tt ever happened to me.. i noe im being over-sensitive most of e times, getting jealous n angry over small matters... but all tt shows u really mean alot to me; tt i realli cherish u, isnt it? i noe sometimes i realli made u real pissed off.. but sometimes i realli nid to vent out all my frustrations so tt i can haf e movitation to carry on.. juz hope u will accept for who im.. n of cos, i will oso try to change myself for e better..

-iloveyou; tts a promise from me to u-

roses frm baby; n huahua acting cute. ;x

hees.. im back.. suddenly got e urge to blog again.. yea i noe.. im being long-winded n crappy once again.. but yes, im feeling overjoyed nw.. wanna share my joy wif u all.. ^^v

met up wif dear, hua, huay n shun juz nw.. hees.. im so happy tt e probs between me n dear r finally settled.. when i 1st saw her, i realli dunno hw to describe my feelings.. juz wanna throw myself at her n gif her a big bear hug.. juz wanna tell her hw much i miss her n love her.. but yes, my stubborness has caused me not to show e affection twds her.. she gave me roses n a set of korean drama.. beside saying thx i realli dunno hw to tell her i realli appreciate it.. even thou im only wif her less den 1 mth, but i can sense tt i realli love her.. i made a promise to myself, tts i will believe her no matter wat.. nw i finalli noe wat i wan, tts to be wif her always.. i wun let outsiders destroy our r/s no matter wat.. i will stand by her foreva.. nv will i break tis promise...

im realli feeling so happy at e moment tt i cant slp.. chatting wif dearie on msn.. hees.. i miss her like crazy even thou i juz met her moments ago.. realli cant leave her out of my mind anymore.. n yes, she sang quite alot of songs to me juz nw.. im so touched tt i simply cried.. ahhh.. im so so in love wif her..

to GARY laogong, i wanna be ur MRS WOON.. hehes.. i wanna b wif u always.. many thx for toleranting wif my negative sides.. truly truly appreciate everything u haf done for me.. juz wanna let u noe tt I LOVE U.. n tts frm e bottom of my heart..

-GW & LY; foreva-

darkness has befall me; lonliness has engulfed me once again.. im sitting here alone, facing e four walls.. my tots r million million miles away... trying very very hard not to cry.. acting strong in frnt of everyone.. always putting a brave front.. giving ppl smiles even when im simply depressed.. is that realli me? wanting to break free, once n for all.. so why am i still holding onto it? im torn.. emotionally n physically drained.. im stucked here; firmly, nt knowing wat to do next.. can someone pls pls pls enlighten me? all these stress r mounted rite here on my back.. i can no longer feel happiness anymore.. for e past 22 years, i really had enuff.. enuff of those heartbrks n misery.. enuff of those tears shedding r/s n endless quarrels.. i really had enuff...

am feeling really crappy at e very moment.. e illness; e heartbrk; e tears. din slp for e whole nite, cant catch a wink at all.. was juz tossing and turning on my bed, waiting for time to pass.. my eyes nv once leave my hp screen, holding it tightly in my hands, waiting for a very impt msg.. but yes, i din get any reply eventually.. tears juz dropped uncontrollably.. i hate it when im back to my fragile self once again.. i dunwan to get labelled as a crybaby anymore.. but, i juz cant ctrl myself.. finally when e 1st ray of sunlight shone thru my bedrm window, i jumped out frm my bed n rushed to my com. side.. logged into fs, n saw e heart shattering change.. knowing wats ur decision, i haf no choice but to let go, isnt it? glance thru ur blog, noe tt u r realli worried.. but wats e point of worrying when u had already stabbed me at my heart? i noe u r very stressed, probs juz keep popping out out of nowhere, but i did say i wanna brace them thru wif u.. as ur gf, tts e minimum i can do.. so why u still wanna push me aside? as wat ur msn is stating, "if i knew it would hurt so much in e end, i wish i never met u." nw i can finally get e meaning..

images juz flooded my mind.. realli wanna end my life once n for all.. gt e impulse to take e penknife n slit myself once again.. but no, im nt going to b e idiotic ly once again.. wats e point of hurting myself? e pain can nv compared to e pain im feeling in my heart.. i haf only myself to blame for e current situation im in.. im falling into e endless pit once again.. ... ...

gary n me..

in life we will meet many different kinds of people. whereas for r/s, its oso e same case. some people will meet many wrong choices b4 they finalli found e one for them.. but for some, e 1st people they r together wif r e 1 for them. as for me, i haf met too many wrong choices n got hurted realli deeply.. but they did gif me happy memories too.. after every failed r/s, i will hide myself frm everyone for quite some time.. to let e wound heal.. but of cos e scar will always b thr.. after all many failed r/s, i realli very scared to fall in love. after so many umpteen tries, i will still get hurt eventually.. sometimes im really standing at a cross junction, nt knowing wat to do next. im always in dilemma n tend to make e wrong choices at most of e times. i always tell myself that i will survive every of e obstacles, but e pain is still thr.. killing me slowly..

for vincent, i tot.. i haf found e one for me.. hes like a saviour to me as he appeared during e darkest time of my life. my frenz oso tot we will last.. n eventualli get married. n yes, it was a mistake frm e very beginning.. he nv luv me b4.. he dun appreciate stuffs that i did for him.. he nv once cherish me.. mayb to him, im juz a toy for him to play around when hes bored. e wound is finalli healing after all these mths but yes, he had left e scar thr.. im sure im nt in love wif him anymore, but why do tears still fall when i think of him out of e sudden? mayb i feel shamed cos im such an idiot.. im always e fool when come to r/s.. when will i ever grow smart?

as for gary.. nv once i tot i will b wif her.. im sure she nv think of tis b4 too.. but yes, she realli made me feel very loved. i realli appreciate everything she has done for me.. i truly cherish e times i spent with her.. but its juz tt im always adding on to her probs.. she did many stuffs for me, accompanying me even thou shes dead beat; came over to my place to look for me even when she's sick. so wat bout me? wat stuffs haf i done for her? null, nuthing. all i did is complain, complain n complain.. when can i ever b her gd gf? i noe i love her.. she meant alot to me.. i realli wanna change to e betta for her. so when can i ever grow up n stop whining?

to GARY : thanx for e rose n e strawberry cake. i do cherish u, realli do.. u asked me to gif myself more time to think it thru juz nw.. i wanna shout out in impulse tt i wan to b wif u.. tts my primary tot when u asked e qn.. i really wanna to brace thru all e obstacles wif u.. i love u..

Welcome to my blog, dear readers.
My name is Sherlyn Lee and I bite.
Please feel free to read about my life,
and DO remember to leave a tag.
Don't flame me and please tag with a name.
Flamers will be hunted and spammers will be shot.
Please don't bother stalking me as i can outrun you, four times.




Sherlyn Lee Lanying
o5.o2.85 *hints*
25 years old
❤ LaoGong Baby Johnny
Belongs to e "KLASHCS" group
Loves to club, drink n get high
Interested in tattoo arts, piercings n tarot cards





































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