Thursday, June 26, 2008
"smile like never cry before"
beloved shuner~
myself =)am busy blogging and watching tv at e moment.. yes, ANTM is on tv now... weee.. filled with pretty model-wannabe..
work has been boring.. after aminah's departure, baba's leaving next.. her last day will be on next monday.. gonna miss her to that bits i guess.. she somehow brightened up my iras working days.. and ba, u r not as emotionless as wat u have mentioned in ur blog.. u r a emofreak remember? hahaha. anyway, everyone is like leaving iras already.. that seriously leaves me pondering.. should i stay put or leave? but i have no idea.. putting myself in a difficult spot.. in dilemma...
as for love life.. everything is smooth sailing i guess.. except for e very fact that my past has came back to haunt me.. yes, he's back.. for good... to leave me haunted by e sickening past.. all e sweet talks, glib tongues are back as well.. i am real scared that my thoughts will go astray once again.. hopefully, my devotion and determination will make me hold my stand, firmly. i just don't want to make e same old mistake once again.. moreover i am now happily attached to a splendid guy - johnny. =)
am really looking forward to e bkk trip.. seriously cant wait for it to arrive.. i know i am going to enjoy myself to e max.. i am very certain of that.. my long waited holiday~ ^^
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]
10:25 PM
{your name};
10:25 PM{your name};
Thursday, June 19, 2008
i am feeling so fat! i have gained weight tremendously!!! really have e phobia to step onto e weighing scale... but i did eventually... and of cos, to my dismay, my nightmare has become reality! has been eating nonstop lately.. can always feel my hunger and e crave for food is driving me nuts.. not sure what has caused my big appetite.. i can gobble down a cow almost every night.. but of cos after eating all those food, i will feel guilty and will try all my ways and means to stop myself from feeling guilty.. sometimes i really believe that i suffered from eating disorder... shall not elaborate any further...
guess i shall visit e gym frequently yet again.. but seriously if i can't control my appetite, e frequent gym's visits wun make any difference either.. i had tried so hard to shred those extra pounds last time.. but now.. just a few late night suppers and a few treats to e junk food... my weight has bounced back... seriously, am just feeling so lazy to go to e gym.. i really need more motivation to get my lazy ass moving.. just hope i can cut down on my eating habits asap.. and of cos lose some pounds here and there in e shortest time..
yao contacted me on msn just moments ago.. am relieved that everything has been going fine for him at usa.. am also damn pleased to announce that he's going to buy me a psp! heyhey, i waited long enough for that! finally am getting my hands on that psp! *laughs*
jp contacted me once again.. telling me stuffs that i used to like to hear.. but of cos, all these don't mean anything to me anymore.. whats past is past.. let bygones be bygones.. no matter how many times he apologizes.. e harm has been done.. nothing can make us go back to what we used to be.. moreover i am happily and deeply in love right now.. so yea... me and him are history!
lately baby has been too busy to accompany me... and all e lovesickness is driving me crazy.. even though i am displeased with e current situation but i will try... will try my very best to be his caring and considerate girlfriend.. i know he has already tried his best.. calling me whenever he's free and etc.. truly appreciate everything he has done.. so right now, i can only put myself in his shoes and try to be sensitive towards him.. i will try... my very best... =)
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]7:47 PM
{your name};
7:47 PM{your name};
Monday, June 16, 2008
frankly speaking, i am so not used to minah not working at iras anymore.. its just e very first day that she's not working there anymore, yet i can already feel e boredom and etc.. yes, i seriously miss my this toilet shitting partner to e bits.. i miss cracking lame jokes with her, i miss her nonsense, i miss her "not so innocent" facial expressions.. in short, i just miss her! so dear AMINAH minah, if u happened to read this entry of mine, i hope u will know that i really miss ya!!! =(
work's very boring today.. baba, sue and aishah took half day today. lynna din come to work, so only left me n sweetie mardhiah.. and due to e appointment of e new director, we aren't allow to listen to mp3 nowadays.. and yes, that really sarks big time! seriously don't feel like going to work at all.. but no choice, since i need to earn as much money as possible.. for e bkk trip and so on... so i can only stay put and work hard for e time being..
thats all i guess... my eyes are shutting off real soon~ zzZ~ missing my beloved baby so much~
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]9:47 PM
{your name};
9:47 PM{your name};
Sunday, June 15, 2008
finally booked our bkk trip air tickets.. seven of us will be going to bkk next month.. am feeling real excited for it.. cos its been so long since i last went to thailand.. and its also e very first time i am going overseas with so many of my frens.. they are of cos - shun, hua, ber, aaron, huay and kenneth..
actually due to some circumstances, i din wan to join them this time round, but shun and hua managed to sway my determination by tempting me with e good food and shopping spree.. so yea, of cos i decided to go eventually.. after so long, i am finally able to go overseas and relax myself.. seriously looking forward to e trip..
am currently waiting for baby to be home.. he will be working till very late tonight since its e last day of pc fair.. can see that he's really tired, and i can seriously feel my heart aching.. it really hurts me to see him so tired..
anyway, i am feeling tired yet i can't get to sleep. its very contradicting isn't it? one part of me is longing for my bed, while another part of me is worried cos baby's not home yet.. am just so in love with him at e moment.. he's like everything i wanted.. and seriously i wanna be with him like forever..
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]11:44 PM
{your name};
11:44 PM{your name};
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
did some photo editing today.. it was fun i must say.. all thanks to baba, so i was able to have fun with e photo editor.. loves to play with my photos since i was young, but photoshop is way too expensive for me to afford.. so now, having this program online, i can have tons of fun playing with my photos!!
currently am doing nothing except missing baby.. its been 2 weeks since i last met him.. and that's torturing me.. i just miss him so so much.. but well, am going over to his place on this coming friday.. really can't wait to see him once again! =)
am really glad that after e fateful incident, everything seems to be back to normal once again.. we are still going strong i guess.. and hopefully all these will remain always.. just love him so so much...
guess thats all.. can't wait for my bangkok trip!! =D
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]5:41 PM
{your name};
5:41 PM{your name};
Monday, June 9, 2008
at first i thought.. everything will be over... the stuffs which i dreaded to happen happened.. i stared at e message with mixed feelings.. really scared to scroll and read it... my heart was thumping hard, hoping that all these was just a joke... a nightmare... but in e end... it wasn't...
tears started streaming down my cheeks.. called him, asked him why of e sudden decision.. he claimed that he has been thinking bout it hard and long.. its not as if he made up this decision just lately.. disappointed and utterly hurt, confronted him why didn't he let me know earlier? is like giving me somesort a hint or some mental preparation.. e reason for his decision - my insecurities and doubting behaviour.
but it really came too fast.. i remembered he called me just last night, sounding so sweet and loving.. yet, e next day came e terrible news which crashed my whole world.. i don't want to let him go just like that.. i love him damn dearly... and i want to be with him like forever... i just can't let our love fades like nobody business... he's like everything that i ever wanted.. he gave me my fairytale, and never will i let go of this fairytale of mine..
had a heart to heart talk with him.. came to a decision that we will make this r/s works.. am glad that that's e final decision.. at least i can still stay by his side... to be in his embrace n etc.. am going to give my best shot and gives this r/s a final go... and hopefully everything will turn out e way i wanted - always a fairytale.
just hope he can really understand how i feel for him truly.. he's really e one i love at e moment.. and i really cherish him to e core..
just hope he won't bring up that fatal word so easily next time... hopefully there wun be any more next time.. *praying hard*
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]12:41 PM
{your name};
12:41 PM{your name};
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
happy happy us =)
ting & me cam-whoring inside stjames toiletalrights, here goes... i have changed my blogskin.. and seriously, this is e very first time that i was able to change everything in such a short time.. its not as emo as last time, at least its made up of bright colours.. (so baba, i am not an emofreak anymore yea) anyways, am totally in love with this blogskin of mine.. its somehow unique, and looks like a diary to me.. so oh well, put my feelings into simple words - just love it to e max!
today's our 3rd month anniversary. time flies i guess.. 3 months just passed in a blink. and i am glad to announce that we are still deeply in love. as least there are more happy moments den disputes during those 3 months.. hes still as sweet as ever.. loving me like his precious.. and thats what matters to me..
anyways, i skipped work today.. cos having that rumbling feeling in my stomach.. guess stupid menses is coming to haunt me once again.. guess thats all.. its time to go look for food. i am starving!
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]12:19 PM
{your name};
12:19 PM{your name};
Sunday, June 1, 2008
firstly, let me wish my beloved johnny baby a very happy birthday! yes, i know its his birthday, but i am not able to celebrate with him.. i feel guilty.. but he's working till late today.. apparently he just finished work at 9pm.. and now is still on his way home.. but of cos, he promised that he will spend time with me on the coming week.. i am fine with anything, as long as i am spending some quality time with him..
anyway, yesterday went club once again.. is some sort a facebook outing.. its quite a lame and stupid outing i must say.. i swear i won't spend any more time on those stupid stuffs anymore.. as usual, we went to st james.. reached there around 10plus with shun, hua and huat.. and that place was packed already.. was really dismayed to see why there was such a huge crowd.. met up with leehui, gary, aaron, debeers, rahayu and co. after that came weeshan, silah and ting.. was really excited.. cos its been such a long time since i last meet up with them.. had a drink or two then we hit e dancefloor.. but seriously speaking, yesterday music totally sarks.. so we went home around 2am since we were getting real bored and shun was feeling feverish..
and well, met up with nicholas last night.. and today he was claiming that he will be going after me.. is something like he knew that i am attached at e moment, so he was asking that will he have e chance to go after me when i am single.. bewildered and speechless.. its like we hardly even talk to each other last night.. but anyways, i am not going to care so much either..
and yes, tomorrow is monday once again. oh well.. i am very certain that i will be having monday blues once again.. =(
[[*.i hartt euu, foreva n eva.*]]9:31 PM
{your name};
9:31 PM{your name};
