awww.. there goes my weekend once again.. realli dunno why my off days will pass so damn fast.. its so fast that i dun even haf time to react.. blehs.. so wat did i achieve for my 2 days off? null; nuthing.. hahas.. slacked at hme most of e times, cos just dun feel like going out.. just wanna isolate myself..

anyway, he smsed me last nite n tis morn. well.. i just stared at e msgs wif mixed feelings.. in my deepest despressions it had never occurred to me tt he would contact me once again. memories came back to haunt me once again.. i forced myself to ignore my hatred n his contempt, but i gave in eventually. i did reply to his sms after all.. i am still thinking why he treated me like tt last time, n my prodding questions began to arouse memories, some merely unpleasant, others unbearably painful. i did haf some pleasant, sweet memories wif him, but i seriously dunno where all of them went to. i noe by replying his sms, i am behaving stupidly; cos i said tt i wanna treat him like a perfect stranger. but i just cant ctrl my mind n of cos my fingers..

For e 1st time in my life was overwhelmed wif a sense of desperation. i felt tt i haf no friends, aboslutely no one to tok to. i just stayed locked in my apartment whole day long, n late at nite i will just wandered into e fascinating world of mine, n sometimes just thinking of tt fateful incident. i could rewrite the scene as many times as i liked, but nuthing was changed. one foolish mistake had destroyed e both of us..

anyway, spoken to e driving instructor ytd nite.. hes a fren of my mum. n well, he charged reasonably low.. his enrolnment fee is only $30 n his lesson of 1 hr is $24. guess i will get him as my instructor.. but 1st of all, i gonna get my pdl 1st.. n just hope tt i will pass my ftt tis time round.

well, guess tts all.. just wanna pour my inner feelings here. after doing so, im feeling much relieved n refreshed.. gonna update some other days yea? ciaos! =))

[will you ever be e man whom i adored?]

-my life is shadowed by you;-

its way pass midnite n i am still here blogging.. nvm, i can afford to slp later tonite since tml is my OFF day! yay!! but actualli to b frank, i am actualli emotionally n physically drained, but i just cant shut my eyes off n slp.. just too many thoughts weaving thru my mind..

anyway i am feeling much better today.. at least e fever has subsided.. n slacked almost e whole day at work today.. my grp was having tons of fun, teasing each other bout bgrs n making racists jokes.. yea, my bad.. haha shldnt haf joke bout all these.. but its realli funny! gonna cherish all these last moments together since mon will b jimmy's last day of work.. awwwww.. tts so saddening.. n sok ying will b leaving us too.. hais! realli gonna miss her lots.. e the 6 of us haf become so close after we worked together.. n its just merely 1 mth, we haf to bid farewell.. just feel so upset!

mayb tml will meet up wif nic.. since tts wat i promised him ages ago.. but i realli dunno hw will i react when i finally get to see him once again.. but everything haber being confirmed yet.. so just see how it goes ba..

ahhhh... my stomach is giving me tons of problems again! i can feel my stomach rumbling away.. n its in such a great pain! guess its time for me to hit e sack once again!.. nites ppl.. ciaos!

*i noe u r feeling upset when u called me just now.. u just sounded so not rite.. im sorry im always nt thr when u needed some1 to b thr for u.. but put urself in my shoes.. is like always u quarrelled wif some other ppl den u will come looking for me.. n tts realli very hurting.. i force myself not to get into any close contact wif u anymore, cos i dunwan to fall into e endless pit once again.. cos if i did fall again, i realli dunno hw to climb out anymore..*

[discard all the hatred n give me all e love]

-i am way beyond ctrl;-

recovered frm my fever just moments ago.. got drenched in the rain ytd was solely e main reason why im sick today.. but yes, im feeling more den alrite now.. but cos of this, im absent frm work today.. tt means 1 day wages has gone into e drain once again.. but im overall comforted.. cos colleagues kept smsing me asking whether im fine already.. tts so so comforting alrite..

but im having an upset stomach frm ytd nite till now.. i dunno whether is cos sumthing tt i ate or izzit cos of some other things.. vomitted quite a few times.. n stomach is feeling real empty now, is as if i can gobble down a cow now..

seriously, i dunno why i haf the sudden urge to blog at tis moment.. mayb cos i went to see her blog just now.. well, i guess everything has been going on fine for e both of them.. so im smart tt i nv fall for e same trick for e 2nd time.. his bdae's coming, dunno whether i shld get him a present or nots.. it seems tt e gal had already dropped him some parcel frm e faraway land.. tts so sweet of her rite? im still pondering over e same qn.. shld i just treat tt nuthing has happened n continue to befriend him, or shld i just treat him as a complete stranger? i realli dunno, sometimes i just dun wish to lose a frenz just like tt, but sometimes its just so hurting to continue facing him.. ahhh.. im in dilemma once again!

nic's been sweet lately.. but we still din manage to meet up after so so long.. got no choice cos we were both busy wif our lives n work.. i dunno whether getting back into contact wif him is a wise choice anot.. im scare of e history repeating itself.. up till now, i still unable to erase tt very particular incident off frm my mind.. new guys keep appearing in my life, but why cant i erase those old 1 away? ahhh.. im only making myself miserable..

alrites, guess its time for me to take a rest.. so tt tml i will b strong n healthy for work.. 1 more day n is off day once again! cheers!! =))

[promises are meant to b broken; isnt tt e case?]

-whats goes ard comes ard;-

you came to me; apologising.. telling me how sorry you were.. saying you din mean all those things to happen.. i solemnly accept ur apologies.. but actualli you were nt in e wrong.. cos we both noe thrs no strings attached rite frm e start.. started smsed each other as if nuthing of those sorts had happened before.. i noe we both were trying to forget e past.. trying way too hard.. im sure all these actions will backfire sooner or ltr.. is as if we were back to e great old times.. teasing each other n having tons of fun.. but yes, thrs no way i will fall for e same old dirty trick anymore..

flunked my ftt.. utterly disappointed.. thrs no way to hide e disappointment on my face.. nearly brk down together wif hua.. guess we studied way too hard, n of cos we go by e book way too much.. n tts wat we got in return.. next test date is due on june 19th.. made a promise to myself.. one disappointment is enuff.. i wun let it happen again!..

got my userid n password today.. am upset when i found out tt letchmi din get hers.. tt means she kena retrenched.. n we were told tt we will b divided into smaller groups again.. tts like wth.. why r they keep separating us? tts like so sickening..

stared at my inbox many times during work today.. ur msgs still stucked here; rite here in my mind.. n ur images just keep popping out on my mind.. wats wrong wif me? im trying so hard to push all ur images out frm my mind.. cos i dunwan to b e same old idiotic ly anymore.. ...

[untangle my wired thoughts n free my soul]

-thoughts million miles away-

after tossing n turning on my bed for e past 1 hr, im still unable to fall aslp.. yes, thanx to e humidity of e weather... im feeling all tensed up n pissed off. so here i am.. blogging instead of sleeping at e middle of e nite..

stayed hme for e whole day.. just lazing ard.. think back quite alot.. but im forcing myself to push all e thoughts out of my mind.. guess i succeeded.. for a little while.. hurhur.. cos just nw went to see e blog, im overwhelmed wif emotions again.. but thrs realli no point brooding over it.. i haf already made a promise to myself tt i will move on, isnt tt e case? mayb i shld juz change my contact no. n start everything anew yea?

anyway, ytd nite went to view my fs profile history. n guess who came to view me? FU XIANG WEI! is like omg lor... hw he managed to find my profile? eeeks! tts like so creepy alrite!! dunno wat is he trying to do now.. just hope tt lamer is not trying to do anything funny to any of us!

im getting along fine lately.. i tot i cant survive this crucial period of my life.. but i did.. haha.. am proud of myself.. is like so many things happened to me in 1 go.. but i still managed to stand up once again.. im much happier without those liars in my life.. guess its just a phrase in my life tt i need to go thru.. so i guess after all these unhappiness, i will b able to find my happiness soon; hopefully.. guess tts all.. its time to me to go back n hit e sack.. nites ppl.. =))

[you are e antidote tt gets me by]

-starrynitee-

blah blah blah.. time for my rantings once again! anyways, guess u guys can see wats my previous entry was rite.. yea, of cos u all saw tt, is nt as if u all r blind.. i posted tt wif my determination alrites.. is nt on impulse or watsoever.. im realli serious tis time.. made up my mind to start anew.. i just cant b bothered wif e past anymore.. esmond is rite.. no use brooding over e past, it will only make me miserable.. i shld just let go.. n i will b much more happier.

anyway, smoked quite alot today. yea i noe, i did sae i wanna quit.. i did sae i wanna start anew.. so of cos im throwing aside my smoker image. hurhur.. but today letchmi, silah n rahayu asked me to smoke wif them. so i some sort of accompanied them.. hmmm.. tts wat a fren for rite? opps! =x

n yea, my hp nv beep at all while im at work today.. tts so pathetic alrites.. i missed e gd old days.. whr my hp will b flooded wif msgs.. but yes, tts e past i guess.. no 1 will bother to sms me anymore.. thinking of that, im so so depressed.. but luckily thrs letchmi, nudge n rahayu.. they realli brighten up my dull life.. realli thanx alots!

as im saying im letting go of e past n starting anew rite.. so here goes.. thr will b no more
VINCENT;
LOVEN;
MARC;

i haf enuff of their lies n so-called promises. i haf enuff of their craps.. i haf enuff of all these liars in my life.. so OUT THEY GO; out frm my life; FOREVA. yes tts bout it.. lets welcome e NEW LY. cheers!!!

[finalli im freed frm all e misery]

-starting anew-

THE OLD LY IS DEAD.



STARTING EVERYTHING ANEW.



THIS MARKS A NEW BEGINNING. =]]

apparently i am e fool once again.. i noe u are avoiding me, blocking me on msn n etc.. so why am i still looking forward to e sms n msgs? its realli time for me to wake up.. i haf deceive myself long enuff.. giving myself false hopes so tt i will feel happier.. but yes.. its realli time for me to face e reality.. be realistic.. n of cos to let go of e past.. i admit tt its realli hurting sometimes.. it hurts so much tt i realli can die frm e pain.. but thrs nuthing left to be done.. as wat e famous quote states - let bygones b bygones.. only letting go can ease e pain.. only facing e reality den i can move on.. but its realli hard to climb out of e endless pit..

overall had an enjoyable day today.. went out wif shun, hua, aaron, ting n estee for dim sum in e afternoon.. den went funan for awhile.. den after tt went robinsons for some shopping spree.. at 1st everything was fine.. but when we finalli settled down at some corner, my thoughts wandered away again.. yes, cos of marc once again.. still feel hurted of wat he has done.. n suddenli thought of HER.. haha.. suddenli feel like drinking.. is like its been ages since i last got drunk.. n i miss e spinning feeling; totalli.. n i realli dunno wats wif me lately.. images of vincent will always appear in frnt of me.. hua claimed tt i miss him.. but tts nt e truth.. arghs.. realli dunno i need how long to break free completely..

read e newspapers.. saw e shocking article bout some south korean guy killing 33 person, including himself, in some US college.. apparently its e brk up between him n his gf caused him to go insane n led to tis tragic.. is like wth, why cant he face up to e reality like wat everyone is doing.. taking innocent lives is realli nah! tts so not cool... realli dunno wats e world is becoming.. ppl r getting more n more hideous.. n their hearts are as black as coal.. is e end of e world coming soon?

[immune to e so-called love;]

-imissyou;seriously-

was feeling pretty down today.. im nt my usual self at work.. was just super quiet, sitting thr alone in a daze.. was feeling super upset after lunch, is as if i will burst into tears any time.. had a talk wif letchmi, nudge n rahayu.. they asked me dun get so affected by wat tt bitch said.. is like she dun even noe me.. shes in no position to call me names.. nah.. im nt upset over e things she said.. is just tt.. i felt betrayed.. by of cos marc.. rahayu said she noes tt friends mean alot to me.. tts why im feeling so miserable at e moment.. n letchmi sae marc is nt worthy to b my fren.. so asked me to let go of tis friendship.. i guess tts e only way out.. although e pain's still thr.. but i think i can bear wif it..

work's alrite today.. as usual, we were like crapping n slacking most of e day.. but we still managed to reach our quota alrite.. we haf a new supervisor.. a lady.. looks young n pretty... but we were still worried bout jeffrey.. just hope hes on e road of recovery..

after work, me n huay met up wif aaron n hua.. had dinner together n some toking cock session.. n after tt we just walked ard tpy for awhile.. n hua accompanied me hme.. had a heart to heart tok wif hua just nw.. felt relieved after toking wif her.. she did tok some sense into me.. so rite nw, i can only wait i guess? no point rushing out things.. as everything will turn out a disaster after tt.. wish me all e best yea.. =))

[praying for a miracle to befall on me]

-flames to dust-

u came to ask me.. ask me why i dunwan to tok to u.. ask me wat had happened.. i tot u knew.. after all u r involved in tis, yet u dunno wats happening? such a joke yea? after all these had happened, u expect me to treat like nuthing has happened? n continue to b frens wif u? nah.. its hard.. or shld i sae its impossible? i cant treat as nuthing has happened.. e wound is thr.. n it will become a scar eventually.. u smsed me.. asked me dun bother bout her.. haha its easier sae den done alrite.. im being labelled as a "slutty loose person" by her okaes.. im gd enuff tt i nv go scold e fuck out of her..

went out wif shun, hua n aaron.. yes, they consoled me.. tok some sense into me.. they haf taught me nt to trust ppl tt easily anymore.. yes, i haf seen clearly.. i haf seen ur true colours.. i haf known well enuff for tis very moment.. can only blame myself for trusting u too much.. its my own fault.. smoked back.. nt gonna to quit smoking anymore i guess.. i just feel so fucked up.. why am i always e idiotic 1 here.. dun try coming back to me n apologize or wat.. its no use.. wat has happened had already happened.. thrs no way for us to erase e particular incident..

friends meant alot to me.. yet all i gt back is betrayal.. yup.. tts wat really killing me.. i just hate liars.. so yes, its time for me to wake up.. n stay sober.. i wun fall for ur trick anymore.. just treat it as we dunno each other at all.. we r just perfect strangers.. gdbye marc. =))

n yes, tml is working day again.. just hope everything will go smoothly tml.. yawns..

saw ur blog.. saw ur decision.. well.. expected it.. since i haf already known it frm e start.. so wat else can i sae? can only wish u happiness n may e 2 of u haf a blissful life together.. all e best.. =)

[im the fool again; bleeding profusely]

-imsodead-

yes, im so fucking disappointed in someone rite now.. haha.. stop treating me like a toy will ya? who e fuck do u think u are.. u r in no position to call me slutty loose bitch yea? u think u r very conservative urself? pls.. wake up ur idea MISS. u r nt any better den me.. u r just a slut too alrite..

n yes, after all these mths i noe him.. i tot hes such a nice person.. but im wrong, so so terribly wrong.. im realli so disappointed; utterly.. just fucking leave me alone alrite.. i dun nid any liars in my life anymore.. im much better alone.. i dun nid fuckers too.. i trusted u so much.. tot u r e freaking mr. nice guy, but all along, im e idiot here.. hahaha.. cant believe it..

so yes, its all over yea.. i dunno such a fren like U! just leave my fucking life foreva.. i truly appreciate it.. =))

-cant believe im such a fool-

just wake up from my beauty slp, still feeling sloggish n moody.. typical morn or mayb afternoon im having yea? cant realli slp last nite.. mind's in such a whirl tt no matter hw i toss n turn on my bed, i still cant managed to doze off.. e weird feeling is coming back.. im trying so hard to bury my deepest feelings, so hard tt everything backfired once again.. im realli lost.. unsure of wats my next step will b.. im once again stucked here.. i once tot i am finalli sure whr im heading.. but, yes, i will get lost eventually..

frankly speaking.. u sae i will get attached in no time.. u sae frm my blog u noe i will. if tts e case, hw come i wun haf any idea bout it? u said i haf get to understand n noe u better after all these mths.. but seriously speaking.. nah.. i realli dunno hw to understand u anymore.. i realli dunno wat u r thinking or rather wat u wan.. do u still love me? or is just wishful thinking of mine? i realli haf no idea.. sometimes, vaguely.. i can sense ur love.. but yes, it will just poofed! gone into e thin air within mins.. so realli.. its hard to convince myself tt u still haf feelings for me.. i realli dunno wat to do next.. i nv feel so lost before.. i just hate e heartbreaking n soul wrenching feeling once again.. hw can i stop e tears frm falling? when can i ever b strong once again?

just sitting here, dumbfolded.. listening to e songs tt we once listened together.. im overwhelmed wif feelings once again.. tears just dropped without knowing.. can someone out thr pls help me.. im realli stucked here, firmly.. i realli nid a rest; utterly.. hais..

yu sae he misses me.. wanna mit me.. hahaha.. to b frank, i miss him too.. cos is like so freaking long nv mit up wif him le.. just missed e gd old times.. wif JS gang, ahshun, cathe, ting n of cos HIM. hahaha had so much fun together den.. can we ever b like last time again? every1 seems busy wif their own lives.. n is like we r all drifting apart. tts so sad rite.. but im glad tt we r getting back into contact once again.. just hope we will b frens foreva yea?

[pls grant me my final wish]

-doyouloveme?-

finally im back for some updates.. just reached hme after a meet up session wif neh, hua n heng.. n yes, after so long i finalli met up wif ace.. haha.. yes, nt a bad person.. outgoing n friendly.. just like his character inside e game.. haha.. we went taka den just slacked ard for awhile, den ace went to look for his fren.. while e rest of us went to bugis.. den after tt cos neh is nt feeling well, so she went off, while me, hua n heng went potong pasir.. mindyou! i din go thr to look for vincent.. we just went thr for our dinner n tts it! den after tt i haf an upset stomach so off we went hme..

my off days just poofed! gone in a glance.. gonna slp e whole day tml.. to prepare myself for tuesday's work! anyway, smsed e whole day wif marc.. well.. some sort of dropped a comment for him, n his ex is super pissed off.. well.. asked him, n he sae hes single so he has e rite to do whatever he wans.. but oso kinda disappointed wif him.. i just dunno hw to put it into words.. just upset n yes, jealous.. hahaha weird feelings im having yea?

anyway, i enjoyed myself to e bits today.. is like so long nv mit up wif neh le! just missed her so much! am glad to see tt shes very xin fu nw.. am realli happy for her.. n yes, we took neoprints just nw.. nice nice wor! hehes! well, guess tts all le.. time to go back to msn n chat le.. ^^v

[winging through e darkness; alone]

-am i in love wif u?-

today is FRIDAY e 13TH.. i hate fri e 13th! just simply detest it! why?! yes, cos tis simply marks e anniversary of me n him.. tts why i hate tis pathetic date so much.. i dunno why he can changed so much.. frm such a sweetheart become so distant.. i rem our 1st date.. tts so sweet alrite.. even thou hes so god damn late.. but hes still so sweet twds me tt time.. suddenli, he just changed.. or rather, both of us haf changed? i haf no idea too.. just simply hate TODAY.. it made me miss him so much! mindyou, is nt as if im still in love wif him.. is just tt he suddenli popped out in my mind once again..

was slacking e whole day at work today.. cos jeffrey was sick.. n he will b on MC for 14 days! tt means i can slack for 14 days? haha.. nah.. im very diligent de okays.. even if hes nt ard, i oso will work hard de. =x n today every1 was like slacking too.. no 1 has e mood to work.. oso dunno why, mayb is just cos tt every1 of us is sick of facing e forms whole day long.. anyway, just hope jeffrey will recover in no time.. n yes, today got to see andrew seow once again! hahaha.. n we were like staring at him for so long.. tt makes him kinda paiseh n walked away.. hurhur.. but din get to see e cute looking trainer today, was quite disappointed n sad. =/ so today at work was quite boring! cos no eye candy for me.. blehs!!

finalli tml is my off day! can haf a gd rest le! hahahaha.. just love off days so so much! tml criss will b having a bdae chalet.. dunno wanna go anot.. i noe i did promise him tt i'll b going.. but dunno leh.. see whether reco is going anot 1st.. if nt i dunno any1 thr, tt will b so boring rite.. n arrol asked me dun go.. cos he wanna ask me go watch movie wif him, or at nite go clubbing.. dunno leh! hahaha.. will b going to st. james soon wif my colleagues.. am looking fwd to it..

well.. guess tts all.. time to pen off.. lastly, i would like to say.. I HATE FRIDAY E 13TH TO E MAX!!! ciaos! ^^v

[u hurted me so deeply tt my heart has shattered into pieces]

-broken wings of mine-

alrights, im back for my usual rantings once again. hurhur, quite an enjoyable day at work today.. is like all of us were slacking, every1 dun seem to haf e mood to work, thus most of us were just sitting thr chatting n laffing.. just having so much fun together.. anyway, after so long, i finally get to smoke again! haha.. dunno hw to describe e feeling.. just 2 sticks with letchmi.. just merely 2 sticks, so i guess shld b alrite yea? n letchmi n me were like walking here n thr for e whole day.. slacking obviously... n yes, we bumped into a very gd looking trainer at work today! n we were like stoning thr.. just keep staring at him.. haha.. we were like so desperate yea? but its normal to look at beautiful ppl rite? =x n "power ranger" gave us an excellent show today.. hes interested in 1 gal, n his friends challenged him to get e gal's number, but of cos e gal rejected him.. n e whole hall burst into laughter.. awwww.. hes quite a poor thing sometimes..

anyway, sat, sun n mon im off again! yesyesyes!! hahaha.. 1 more day n finalli i can get to rest. NAH! i need to study for my FTT. arghs, tts so sickening, but no choice, i haf to past e test!! so ppl wish me all e best kaes?

realli so freaking long nv contact vincent le.. but surprisingly, im like getting used to his non-existence. haha.. luckily i haf my work to keep me occupied.. so tt my thoughts wun run wild tt often.. as im saying, ppl in my life always come n go at e same time.. im just so fucking used to all these.. im better off alone.. sometimes i just wonder, am i just some useless rubbish tt u all will like to dump when im of no use to u all? but who cares? not me.. im nt pinning any hopes on love anymore.. n yes, i wun go find love anymore, i will only wait for love to come looking for me.. guess tts all.. im so so numb; oblivious to everything.. finally...

[some ppl come into our lives n quickly go. some stay for a while n leave footprints on our hearts. n we are nv, ever e same.]

-mend my broken heart-

workworkwork.. my life is all bout work nw.. realli! i can even dream of those income tax forms even when im sleeping.. awww, such a bother! e sight of e forms is killing me! i scare i will get paranoid sooner or later.. but no choice rite? tts life.. already started working here for 2 wks, n im glad to announce tt so far everything is going smoothly; i suppose. =x anyway we were like so damn busy at work today, yup, as usual.. we told ourselves to relax n take our own sweet time, but yea, our hands n eyes juz dun listen to our commands.. n e time passes so slowly!! im like keep staring at e clock, watching e min n sec ticking away slowly..

after work met up wif gary.. hope she has a way to repair my hp. to bring my "dead" hp to life again! haha.. but yea, she told me tts no guarantee.. n she needs to "operate" on it.. well.. just hope shes able to fix it.. cos i realli missed my hp so so much! sobs!! n yes, thanx for helping me out, n of cos thanx for e lollipop n mos treat! haha. =p

am feeling so tired at e moment.. i guess 1 factor is cos of e overwhelming workload, while e other factor is of cos e withdrawal sydrome.. yes, i realli nid cigg! im craving real badly for ciggs for e past 2 days.. n letchmi is going to tempt me wif her packet of ciggs tml.. oh well.. wat shld i do? 1 week plus without smoking, n its already killing me! i just nid a puff, badly... ...

oh yes, saw andrew seow at workplace again! n hes so charming!! yes yes yes! hes simply so macho! n e gals at my table were like drooling over him! haha.. even some guys steal a glance at him too! n e trainers at my workplace gym r like omg! they r all so good looking n of cos fit.. looking at them has become my past time, has become a way of destressing myself. blehs.. i sound so "hua ci" now. but dun mind me kaes, cos im realli stressed up! haha..

kaes, my love life is like so empty at e very moment.. who is going to fill up e empty spaces in my heart? i dunno, haf no idea.. haha.. just leave everything to fate i guess.. alrite, time to pen off.. is time for me to relax my mind before preparing myself for tml hectic schedule once again! ciaos!!!

[grant me a wish; tts u will be mine foreva]

-insanity is killing me-

actually i do noe wat will happen in e few mths time.. yes, i knew it.. but i just dunno hw to put into words.. u haf made ur choice n i can only gladly wish u e happiness..

thr r many times in life when we need to make a decision.. yes, its tough making some.. but we still haf to come to a conclusion.. somtimes, we will tend to make e wrong move n regret after tt.. but thrs nuthing we can do since e case has already being closed. we can only stand up once again, n look fwd n brace thru watever obstacles n hoping tt we wun repeat e same mistakes..

yes, tts hw i feel now.. as im saying, im prone to making mistakes.. n thr r many mistakes which caused me regretted for life. some mistakes did make me stronger, while some just caused me to fall down badly. n im so idiotic tt i can repeat e same old mistake again n again.. but yes, after tis incident.. i haf learnt to b strong.. no point crying over e same thing everynite.. its all HISTORY isnt it?

now i can only wish u happiness n blissful life for e next coming mths.. after all these turmoils for mths, im finalli breaking free.. is time to move on since u haf already chosen ur path.. just hope we will all b happy; truly happy for our decisions. =)

-memories r buried deep inside me foreva-

go placidly amid e noise n haste, n rem wat peace thr may b in silence. as far as possible without surrender b on good terms wif all persons. speak e truth quietly n clearly; n listen to others, even e dull n ignorant; too haf their story.

busy day at work. am rushing here n thr for dunno wat.. i buried my head deep inside e pile of files for e whole day.. n today is my unlucky day, soaked my hp in a pail of water.. n thr goes my hp. am totalli pissed n upset.. but thrs nuthing i can do but numbly went to work. supervisor kept us all damn busy wif e overwhelming workload. just slogged all e way till 5pm.. n yes, i can drop dead any min.. just feel so worn out.. n mindyou, its only 2nd day of e week n im already dying..

i dunno hw long u r going to keep me in suspense. i haf ran out of motivation n strength totalli.. i realli haf no idea who u r indicating to on ur blog.. mayb is whosoever or mayb is me.. but nah, i dunwan to pin high hopes on myself.. cos e higher e hopes, e greater i fall.. n im nt sure whether i can still stand up after e great fall.. all e assumptions r causing me to bleed terribly, im torn.. so pls pls pls tell me wat u realli wan.. n let me haf a peaceful mind.. if nt i will find my own way out of tis endless tunnel, ALONE...

[struggling to keep up e pace with you]

-saythatyouloveme-

blehs.. slacked at hme for e whole day.. just feeling so restless n sleepy. n mindyou, i slept for 13 hrs.. yet im still so sleepy.. oh man, is tis 1 of e withdrawal sydrome? 1 whole week without cigg.. n yes, its killing me.. sumtimes i just feel so stressed up tt i realli haf e urge to pop a stick into my mouth.. yea, i noe tt smoking is bad.. but it does help me relieve my stress.. rite nw, im sitting here, facing e stupid com, n hoping tt a pack of cigg will appear in front of me.. yes, i need a puff; badly..

my off days juz gone in a wink.. tml is working day again.. arghs.. boring.. just hate to work, but thrs nuthing i can do.. no work = no income.. n no money = no fun.. yea.. so i muz work hard n strive to earn more money yea? hurhur..

haber been chatting wif vincent since our last quarrel. nah.. i dun need him.. hes just a passerby in my life i guess.. i can live well without him by my side. i haf already survived so many mths without him.. n thus, i dun need him at all. =)

oh ya, i ate alot lately.. real scare tt my weight will bounce back! NO.. NONONO! n i seriously do haf a craving on chocolates lately.. wats wrong wif me? choc r so fattening! omg! n i ate plenty of them! when can i haf e motivation back to lose weight? i work hard enuff to lose those extra pounds, so i dunwan to gain back weight so easily! *shakes head* i dunwan e fat ly to b back to haunt me again!

as for my love life.. im still waiting.. but nt longing.. tts a difference between those 2 alrite... after all these yrs, esp e past few mths, i realised tt love cant b forced.. it can only make e both parties suffer if u wan things to work out.. thus letting go will only do both parties good. wats meant to b urs will come back to u eventually... so lets hope tt day will come if we r meant to b yea?

anyway, im feeling insane today.. haha.. juz jumping n hopping ard my hse.. guess im just too bored wif my life.. hurhur.. anyway, time to pen off.. typed long enuff.. will b back for more updates thou.. cheers. =D

[looking back on e memories]

-imissyouso-

back frm msia.. awww.. so freaking tired.. worn out totalli.. is as if my eyes will close any moment.. reached msia ard 10am today.. luckily thr isnt any traffic jams at custom, if nt i cfm will die inside e car.. went to my 1st uncle's hse 1st for buffet.. yea.. quite alot of ppl were present too.. my uncle looks so charming today.. hurhur, of cos la.. cos is his big day.. anyway, went to e restaurant at 12plus.. n just sit ard n chit chat waiting for all e guests to arrive.. n yes, tt took us ard 1 hr.. n its driving all of us crazy.. n finalli e dinner started.. well.. wat shld i sae bout it? e food thr was still alrite.. they came in very big portion, thus we cant finish most of e food.. such a waste rite? anyway, e banquet ended at ard 4pm.. den off we went.. reached sg at ard 530pm.. is kinda a long journey cos of e minor jam.. but overall i did enjoy myself today.. cos quite alot of ppl were present.. took quite alot of pics too.. gonna upload them soon yea?

after all these nites i spent quietly to myself, i came to realise tt e subtle difference between holding a hand n chaining a soul, n i learn tt love doesnt mean leaning n company doesnt mean security. n i begin to learn tt kisses arent contracts n presents arent promises, n i begin to accept my defeats wif my head up n my eyes open, wif e grace of an adult, nt e grief of a child, n i learn to build all my roads on today cos tml's ground is too uncertain for plans. after a while i learn tt even sunshine burns if i get too much. so plant my own garden n decorate wif my own soul, instead of waiting for sum1 to bring me flowers. n i learn tt i really can endure... tt i really am strong, n i really do haf worth.

to nich : sorry for cancelling e date today. realli haf to go back to msia. hope u will understand. will go out wif u sum other day yea? my apologies. =)

[truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. it means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.]

-u nv lose by loving. u only lost by holding back-

love is wonderful. n love is a mess. love is a soppy smiles; giddy phone calls; deep talks on long walks; identifying wif every lyric on e radio and feeling excruciating alive. love is oso dashed expectations; quarrelling cos u care; missing him e moment he says gdbye; aching when he flirts wif some1 else; losing sleep over nite-time day-dreams n feeling blissfully deranged.

love? im still trying to figure it out myself. its e most complex emotion going. heady, heartbreaking, poignant, breathtaking. n i love u means different things to different ppl at different times.

yea, i noe, im like writing a love novel once again. shun asked me to change e nature of my blog. but u shld noe its damn hard. all e sad things just popped out in my mind whenever im blogging. is like so weird. im prone to do these whenever nitefalls. after all these barriers n obstacles, i came to realise tt growing up is such a pain.. e stress, e heartbrks, e tears, e pain are all killing me slowly.. but yes, thx for all e supports frm my pals, i managed to stand up once again.. just hope i will still remain strong n brace thru all e obstacles which may b coming my way..

going msia tml.. for my uncle's wedding dinner. am just so sick of going back thr.. e journey will wear me out.. n i just hate e bumpy ride.. argh.. but no choice, my mum forced us all to go back.. just so sickening.. mind's in a blank out of e sudden, is as if i gt tons to blog, but dunno hw to start.. hurhur.. i think im getting emo once again.. menses? pms? or wat? im nt sure too.. just feel frustrated n upset once again.. but yea, i will get over it very soon.. guess i will pen off here cos i seriously dunno wat else to add on...

[if u judge ppl, u haf no time to love them]

-igorance is a bliss-

looking back over e years, i realise just whr i went wrong. in e 1st place, i wasnt at all sure wat e RIGHT way was, so naturally tts wat made it so difficult for me. mistakes. we all make them. sometimes, if im lucky, an eraser will do e trick, n i can rub it across e page, wipe away e dust, n all tts left of my careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge. but some mistakes cant b erased. no matter hw hard i try..

agony claws my mind. im a statistic. im very much alone. all i had were voices in my head telling me i blew it, i was too needy, i was nv going to b loved once some1 realli got to noe me. i felt tt i wasnt even gd enuff to b loved by my own parents. wat was wrong wif me? why is it so hard to love me n why is it tt when it gets hard, every1 bails?

i came to realise tt life gets really hard sometimes n realli painful. for me, i couldnt feel everyone else's love cos i had forgotten hw to love myself. im learning nw - learning hw to accept, forgif n love myself. n im learning tt things change. pain does go away, n happiness is e other side. although e pain comes back, so does e happiness. its like waves in e ocean coming n going... coming n going... breathing in n breathing out.

be myself. especially, do nt feign affection. neither b cynical bout love; for in e face of all aridity n disenchantment it is perennial as e grass. wif all my sham, drudery n broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. i will b cheerful n strive to b happy. :)

[when an emotional injury takes place, e body begins a process as natural as e healing of a physical wound. let e process happen. trust tt nature will do e healing. know tt e pain will pass, n, when it passes, u will b stronger, happier, n more sensitive n aware.]

-losing e 'Us'-

FINALLI!! the long break is here.. haha.. i haf waited long enuff for tis.. i deserve a break after all these hard works.. im realli dead beat.. struggling to keep my eyes open when im working.. drowned myself wif coffee whenever im sleepy.. even thou tt doesnt help at all.. luckily for me, time passed quite quickly today.. letchmi entertained us wif her jokes.. thus is relaxing time in a blink.. hurhur...

after work, went out wif frens to makan.. im always craving for food lately.. oso dunno wats happening to me.. this work caused me to haf a big appetite.. im always hungry!! nah! i muz lose sum more weight!!! i haf nt reached my ideal weight yet! i muz resist all e temptations!!! but i seriously nid some motivation to carry on..

anyway, just reached hme nt long ago.. i tot i will doze off once i reached hme.. but weird, im suddenli so energetic.. i think is cos of e coffee i drank some moments ago.. but im sitting here in daze, as if im waiting for sumthing or some1.. but i dunno wat i realli truly wan.. i haf shut myself out once again.. is as if im always day dreaming lately.. i cant realli focus on anything anymore.. tts so not me! i seriously wanna noe.. wat i realli want.. or rather wat u realli want.. asap.. im realli tired of guessing.. n im starting to hate tis guessing game.. its gonna be game over real soon if tis continues.. i nid sum guidance.. pls...

HAPPY 22nd BDAE TO JIANPING !!!

[fickle-minded; in dilemma]

-flying without wings-

its my darkest period of my day once again.. every nitefall marks e darkest period of my day.. i tend to get moody n upset every nite.. am just puzzled why i will b like tt.. so weird, n am totalli clueless.. haf tried all my ways n means to find out wat i realli want.. but sad to sae, till nw im still wandering ard aimlessly..

today at work was quite okie.. just tt im so so tired.. as if i can doze off any moment.. is like so weird.. i gt so many things to do, i still gt e mood to doze off.. yea, i noe, im a weird person.. ahahahaha.. well, quarrelled wif vin juz nw.. hurhur.. dunno y.. im just pissing ppl off lately.. but yes, i dun gif a damn.. tts me, take it or leave it.. i dun realli care wat others think of me anymore.. as im saying, im isolating myself.. so wats ppl point of view is none of my business..

met up wif ting just now.. just e 2 of us.. so long din haf some pte time together.. just slacked ard n chit chat.. is as if we r back to e good old times.. both of us hardly haf e time to meet up since we r both busy wif our work.. but yes, i enjoyed myself.. it brings our kinship closer once again..

2 more days n i will haf a long leave! haha.. 4 days.. only.. yea.. but i still waiting for it.. anyway, time to pen off.. dun realli noe wat to write anymore.. my brain cells haf all being killed. haha..

[never make someone a priority when they only make u an option]

-breaking free; into e clear blue sky.-

day 5 at work.. wat shall i sae bout tis job? haha.. stressful.. complicated.. but yes, im getting used to it.. am catching e hold ot it le.. am so happy for tt.. today is quite an enjoyable day.. ppl in my team r very friendly n outgoing.. n they r very helpful too.. they realli brighten up my working days.. as usual.. today is form checking.. so many stacks of forms.. awwww.. see le oso headache.. but overall, we still can overcome it.. just hope everything will b as smooth as ever..

think back alot lately.. those memories just flooded my mind.. its real hard to push them aside.. is as if they r stucked here, firmly rite in my mind.. nw i can only pray tt my work will keep me occupied.. had a little arguement wif gary last nite.. i din mean it.. but u realli dun understand me.. tts why i cant ctrl myself.. we r both stressed wif our work.. am sorry tt i cant ctrl my temper.. my bad.. gonna change tis freaking bad temper of me someday.. im pissing ppl off real badly..

as for my love life.. surprisingly to sae.. i feel relaxed lately.. is as if i haf accepted e reality.. yes, i still feel lonely at times.. but no point rushing into another r/s just cos of tt rite? all these just cant b forced.. all i can do is just wait for my happiness to come by.. i just need a beautiful intellectual who doesnt mind my constant infidelity.. i did once find true love - but i din realise it until e day he left me.. rest assured.. tts all in e past.. i wun get a bit upset over those useless stuffs anymore.. life still goes on as ever... ...

[love then, and even later, was e whole concern of everyone's life. tt is always e fate of leisured societies.]

-the moment of lies-

argh!! weekend just gone in a blink.. tts like so fast.. i haber haf enuff rest, im still feeling so tired n stressed.. tml will b another busy day at work le.. ahhh.. just hope i wun make so many mistakes at work ba.. just hope i can do well on anything tts assigned to me.. wish me luck yea?

spent e whole day at hme.. just dun feel like goin out.. just wanna stay hme slack n watch tv.. seriously, tts life yea? so relaxing.. so comfortable.. well.. today im feeling alrite.. nt as moody as e past few days.. mayb im realli numb to it? mayb im realli oblivious to everything tts happening ard me? but of cos, all tt r just assumptions.. no 1 will noe e truth, nt even myself..

ppl come ppl go.. thr r so many things happening lately.. i haf already lost track of them.. after experienced all these pain n misery.. i haf learnt to b self protective.. i haf isolated myself so tt i wun get hurt anymore.. tts wat usually will happen.. but nt tis time round.. is realli as if im numb.. i feel nuthing at all.. just vexed n e frustrations r overwhelming.. but im glad.. after so long, e feelings haf finally subsided.. mayb i realli can brk off tis time round.. so ppl pls wish me luck kaes..

its time for me to pen off le ah.. im feeling very tired le.. nites ppl..

[moving on is e best solution now..]

-determine; finally-

Welcome to my blog, dear readers.
My name is Sherlyn Lee and I bite.
Please feel free to read about my life,
and DO remember to leave a tag.
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Sherlyn Lee Lanying
o5.o2.85 *hints*
25 years old
❤ LaoGong Baby Johnny
Belongs to e "KLASHCS" group
Loves to club, drink n get high
Interested in tattoo arts, piercings n tarot cards





































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